


Where The Love Light Gleams

by AndreaLyn



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Holidays, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn
Summary: One day, Michael Guerin is staying in the shed out back behind the Manes property. The next, he's gone with a note that says he's been given a chance to take his scholarship at UNM early. For a year, that piece of paper is all Alex has until Michael comes back for the holidays and Alex gets a chance to take advantage of missed opportunities.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 35
Kudos: 131
Collections: 12 Days Of Malex 2020





	Where The Love Light Gleams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nestra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nestra/gifts).



> For Nestra, who gave me the most amazing opportunity to write a canon divergence AU that I've been thinking about for a while, and the chance to imbue it with some holiday love and cheer. I hope you enjoy! The timeline has accelerated here, with the events of early spring happening in late fall instead, to give that holiday timing.

December arrived in Roswell, bringing with it a brisk cold snap and a harsher surprise waiting for Alex in the shed -- or rather, the _absence_ of someone waiting for him.

It wasn’t like he’d expected Guerin to stick around forever. His offer to let Guerin bunk in the shed after he’d stolen his guitar had been a genuine attempt at friendship. It was November, the desert was cold at night, and Alex thought he was doing a nice thing. That nice thing mutated into something achingly soft and sweet, an emotion he’d always dreamt about, but never experienced with another boy.

By the holidays, Alex had been stuck between a rock and a hard place, not knowing what you did with someone that you sort-of, maybe, kind-of, (absolutely and totally) had a crush on. 

He wound up giving Guerin his brother’s guitar, because Greg was in the Navy and he wouldn’t miss it. In return, Guerin had stared at his lips for so long that Alex thought maybe he wasn’t the only one swimming through a haze of uncertain and confusing emotions, but Jesse had called Alex to dinner, ruining the moment before anything could happen.

Alex told himself there would be plenty more of them once the holiday season and all its expectations were over.

How wrong he was. 

He snuck out a few nights later to bring Guerin some of the cookies that Greg had baked. He’d come home on leave and had instantly turned into a kitchen monster, demanding that they make sugar cookies right away, earning a dismissive snort from Jesse and a shining burst of hope in Alex that maybe the holidays could be the way they used to be, when Mom was still around.

When they were finished, he brought them out to the shed and made his discovery. 

“Guerin?” 

Alex quietly unlocked the shed door, cautious to make sure Jesse hadn’t followed him. It looked like he was in the clear, but the shed was eerily silent and devoid of any sign of life. 

Wandering inside, Alex set the cookies down on the table, noticing that the guitar was gone along with all of Michael’s possessions. On the table, there was a single page of paper. It was littered in random doodles, along with Michael’s writing.

> _Alex,_
> 
> _I’m sorry I bailed like this. I spent a long time thinking about how I was going to tell you and I chickened out in the end. Maybe because I worried that if I let myself have the excuse not to, I wouldn’t go._
> 
> _I never told you this, but I got a scholarship to UNM. Full ride. Turns out, there’s a spot in the program I enrolled in and if I went for this winter when they’ve got a visiting professor, they’ll give me an even more generous wad of cash. Who’d say not to that?_
> 
> _Probably me, if I were an idiot. It’s why I left so quickly. I’d say I’ll write, but I don’t think you want your Dad getting a hand on your mail, so maybe I’ll just have to hope I see you the next time I’m in town._
> 
> _Thanks for everything. I took the guitar, hope your brother won’t be too pissed at me. Thanks for seeing a kid sleeping in the back of his truck and doing something about it. Thanks for the food and the company. Thanks for…I don’t know, for being you._
> 
> _Six more months, okay? Get out of there. Do something. Escape him._

It wasn’t signed. Alex suspected that was for his sake -- if Jesse found it, it gave Alex some plausible deniability about who it came from.

He sank onto the futon, hearing the wooden slats creaking as he melted into the itchy fabric. He was trying to be careful not to crumple the note in his hand, but his fingers were shaking from his pent up grief, wishing that Michael had told him in person. 

He wouldn’t have tried to make Michael stay.

Honestly? Alex suspected he might have tried to run away with him. 

“Alex? Can you help clean the kitchen?” Greg’s voice drifted out to the shed, piercing through his grief. Alex figured that Jesse was making noise about not wanting to see his kitchen weighed down by any kind of holiday cheer.

He cleared his throat, trying to erase any sadness. “Yeah, give me a second!”

Staring at the absence of Michael’s possessions, Alex gripped the cushion of the futon, leaning forward as he inhaled deeply, trying to make sense of the vacancy of Michael and his things. He’d gone to UNM, like he’d planned to. He got out of Roswell, the way Alex had dreamed about for years.

Good for him.

Honestly, it was great for him. It just made Alex feel abandoned and wanting, not just because he was getting used to having Michael here, but because he was _jealous_ of him. 

There was also the interrupted longing he’d have to deal with, but that one wasn’t new to Alex. He’d pretty much gotten used to being the only kid at Roswell High who was gay. Even if Michael hadn’t ever been like Kyle or those assholes, he’d never made a move, which meant that his one-sided crush was going to stay that way.

No surprise.

Pushing to his feet, Alex gripped the cookies to bring them back inside. He’d give them to Liz and Maria when he saw them at school. 

He turned to give the shed one last look before leaving, but any evidence that Michael was ever here was gone. The only piece of Michael left was Alex’s aching wish that they’d had at least one more night together.

Maybe he would’ve kissed him.

Maybe he would’ve told Michael how much he liked him.

Or maybe, just maybe, he would have done all that only to get rejected. Silver lining, Alex told himself. Michael might be gone, but Alex could cling to the open-ended hope that there could still be a future for them. 

“Hey,” Alex greeted Greg, returning to the kitchen.

Greg looked up from scrubbing the counters, gesturing to the box of cookies. “You taking those somewhere?” He had a look on his face like he _knew_ about their squatter in the shed, but wasn’t planning to say anything about it.

Alex fought through the pain of finding the shed empty, reminding himself that it was _good_ that Guerin got to go to UNM early and get started with his life. “Nah,” he said dismissively. “Just figured I’d remember them for Liz and Maria if I put them in the kitchen, so I’d grab them on my way to school.”

Maybe it was time for Alex to start considering his own future. 

It didn’t look like he’d get to have Michael in it, but Alex was used to not getting what he wanted. What was one more kick while he was down?

* * *

The first snow arrived in Roswell earlier than usual the next year, with the frosty temperatures hitting in November. With it came an unfortunate onslaught of depressing memories about how Alex was still in this town and had no idea what he wanted to do with his future. 

Jesse kept hinting that he had to make up his mind soon or be thrown out from under his roof, but Maria had been insistent that she and Mimi would take him in, rendering that threat powerless.

With the holidays came memories of Michael Guerin. Alex wondered what he was doing now, whether he was enjoying UNM. He almost asked Isobel about it when he saw her at the grocery store, but his own stubborn pride stopped him before he could. He survived on rumors alone, where he heard via Liz (through Max) that Michael was already well on his way to an undergrad degree in only two years.

“I get that he beat my test scores,” Liz bitched on their calls, “This is like rubbing salt on the wound.”

“Or it’s proof that no matter how hard you tried, he was going to outscore you,” Alex pointed out.

The little harrumphing grumble probably meant Liz was mad at him, but Alex was only telling the truth. Still, he was proud to hear that Michael was doing so well, even while Alex swam against the stream, fighting his own indecision about what to do next. Jesse’s expectations were beginning to feel crushing and his own dreams started to shrink in their wake.

November gave way to a colder December, and Roswell lit up with the holidays. You couldn’t escape it, no matter where you went. Alex wanted to ignore it. He wasn’t exactly feeling ready for the holidays when the only family he had this year was his father.

Obviously, that meant he was going to stay with Maria as much as possible. 

Alex’s luck turned against him (or so he thought) come the second week of December when his car started to make rattling noises. He ignored it as long as he could, until Jesse snapped and told him to get it looked at.

“Just bring it to Sanders,” he griped, digging out some bills. “The last thing I need is to have to buy you a new car because you won’t get out from under this goddamn roof.”

Gritting his teeth, Alex took the money and headed for Sanders’, aware that he probably couldn’t ignore the car problems much longer. The car started, sure, but then it started to make really worrying noises every time Alex drove over twenty miles per hour. The last thing he wanted was to prove his father right by having the car die on him.

What Alex wasn’t expecting, when he pulled up, was to find an Airstream on the junkyard property, fully decked out in blinking, twinkling holiday lights of all colors, sizes, and brightness. 

“Sanders?” Alex called out, stepping forward to knock at the door.

Maybe this was a new thing he was trying out? What he wasn’t expecting when he peered in the windows was a head of curly hair popping up from the bed. 

Alex knew that hair.

He’d spent the last year dreaming about it. Every time he thought about his own future -- whether it was college, the Air Force, and any of the other branches of service -- his mind always wandered back to Michael. Heart pounding in his chest, he stepped back at the sound of footsteps creaking, praying that someone with honey-brown curls hadn’t decided to move to Roswell and get all of Alex’s hopes up.

“Alex?”

His hopes would live to see another day.

“Guerin,” Alex breathed out, gaping at him in disbelief from where he opened the Airstream door. “You bought an Airstream?”

“The engineering department at UNM brought one in so the freshman could rebuild it from scratch,” he admitted, giving the metal hull a light knock with his knuckles. “When exams were over, no one wanted to keep it. Since the school paid for the parts, everyone was cool with me having it. I might have played up the ‘no home to go to’ sob story,” he confessed, “but it felt like home the minute we got it going.”

“And the holiday lights?” Alex wondered, even if he was breezing right past ‘it’s so good to see you’ and ‘I’ve dreamed about you nearly every week’ and ‘why did you go?’ not to mention ‘why didn’t you tell me?’

Michael glanced over his shoulder, his smile beautiful in the reflection of the lights even if it was still daytime. Reds and greens flickered on his face, replaced by blues and whites, as the lights danced off and on in their pattern. 

“I’ve decided this year, I really wanna get in the spirit.”

Alex raised a brow, asking silently what prompted that.

As if no time at all had passed, Michael seemed to be able to read every one of Alex’s tics. “I got to UNM just before the holidays last year, so it was mostly cleared out. I had a pretty sad Christmas, even if the ones before it weren’t great. Those times, though, I had Max and Isobel. They always tried to make it work for me. Last year, I was so new that I didn’t come back to Roswell and I wound up celebrating a pretty lonely Christmas with the turkey dinner they cobbled together on campus. This year, I picked up some exam marking for extra cash, I got a place to stay, and things are _good_. I wanna be the one celebrating.”

“Guerin, that’s amazing,” Alex praised.

“Yeah,” he agreed, stepping down and heading towards Alex’s SUV. “So, you got a car problem? Sanders left me in charge today. He’s at the vet with his dog and said I could earn a few bucks.”

Alex remembered the car a few moments later. He was swept up in the joy on Michael’s face, realizing that he’d never seen him looking so unbridled and happy. It hurt to think that Alex couldn’t help him with that a year ago, but he was glad he had it now.

“It uh, it makes rattling noises above twenty,” he dug the words out. 

Michael grabbed a rag to wipe down his hands. “Let’s take a ride, I’ll see what I can do.” 

Michael hung on the edge of the SUV, nodding for Alex to join him. 

“Wait. Really?”

“Yeah, don’t leave me lonely,” Michael drawled, his eyes sliding over Alex. 

He was checking him out. Right? Was he actually checking Alex out or was his brain imagining old fantasies, playing them out for him now that Michael was back in town. Alex swore that Michael hadn’t been this obvious before. He had to jolt himself into gear when he saw Michael leaning his head out the window, staring at Alex like he’d lost his mind.

“Right! Yeah, coming!” he promised, hurrying to the passenger seat.

He buckled up, staring at Michael like he was some kind of cryptid. 

“I can feel you staring, you know.”

Alex didn’t know if he could stop. “I still can’t believe you’re here,” he admitted, suddenly worried Michael was going to misinterpret that. “I mean, I’m happy you’re here,” he vowed. “I just thought when I got your letter that it might be the last time I ever saw you. I was hoping it wasn’t.” He wrung his hands, staring down at them to try and build up his courage. “I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Yeah,” Michael said. “I’m pretty glad, too.” He turned onto the main road, picking up speed. 

Luckily for Alex, he was saved from having to ask _why_ Michael was so glad to be back when his car started clunking the moment it clocked twenty-two miles per hour. He gave Michael a rueful smile. 

“See?” he said, like he was defensive and had to prove to Michael that he hadn’t been lying.

Michael grinned, revving the engine a little. “You’ve definitely got some parts loose.” He leaned forward to make a u-turn, ready to bring them back to the junkyard. “You got the letter I left, right?”

Alex nodded, thinking of the letter tucked into his nightstand in a copy of The Hobbit.

Michael slid his hands over the steering wheel, gripping it before moving them again. “Good. I wondered,” he admitted, “because I never heard anything from you. I thought you’d talk to Max or maybe try and look me up. Then, you didn’t, and the first semester passed. Then the second. I stayed during the summer to take some classes and work, but also because I wasn’t sure there was anything left for me here.”

Alex’s heart ached in his chest and all he wanted to tell Michael was that he didn’t know what to do. That seemed to be a common theme in his life these days.

He was paralyzed with indecision, stuck not knowing what step to take.

“No, I…” Alex swallowed the lump in his throat. “I got your letter. I just didn’t feel right writing back when I was still here. I graduated and I didn’t leave.” He let his head fall, under the weight of his own expectations. “I didn’t feel like I deserved to find you until I had better news than me hanging around Roswell because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my life.”

“Hey,” Michael said, reaching over to rest his hand on top of Alex’s. “That’s cool too. You know? It’s not like you have to figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t just end.”

“You made it look so easy,” Alex scoffed, as they approached the junkyard. “You got your scholarship and you took off, without even thinking about it.”

“Yeah, because I shut my brain off,” Michael replied, lips curved up in amusement. “Seriously, the only real reason I actually went was because I got super drunk when the letter with the offer came in. The next night, I ignored everything in Roswell. My friends, my courses, _you_. That’s the only way I went and I’m so glad I did. I still can’t believe the kind of life that was waiting out there for me,” he said, parking the car. 

Alex wanted to think there was something out there for him, too.

“Give me thirty minutes, okay? I’ll have this baby ready for you to get out of here.”

Alex nodded, hating that their conversation was left on the note it was. It meant that Michael had something to focus on, but Alex was consumed with thoughts about what could make him get out of Roswell. He wanted to believe that he could have a music career, but his father’s voice in his head had ruined that for him. He honestly didn’t think he could do it.

And true, there were benefits to enlisting that had nothing to do with Jesse. He could go into the Navy with Greg, or he could see what Clay was doing these days. It would give him order and a purpose. On the other hand, it felt a little like giving up on himself. 

He was still deep in his thoughts as he counted cash to pay for the bill, tuning out Michael as he talked about what was wrong. Something Alex wasn’t going to understand, but was grateful to be able to pay him for. Michael even ran the engine to prove that it was running much smoother, even parked in place.

What was Alex supposed to do with his future?

What the hell was his stumbling block?

There was a little voice in his head that said that what he wanted was right in front of him, but the problem was Alex didn’t know how to broach that. The last time he tried, Michael hadn’t responded in the moment, and Alex didn’t feel like being rejected again, even if he had high hopes that it might be different.

He pocketed his keys, feeling maudlin and dejected, both grateful he’d seen Michael today and disappointed in himself for not doing something about that. 

“Alex,” Michael called over to him before he got to the driver’s door.

He’d been paid, the car sounded fine, what more could he need? “Yeah?” Alex asked, trying to keep a passive expression on his face.

“Are you busy on Saturday?”

Honestly, Alex didn’t do much other than hang out with Maria and constantly rethink his life’s plans. “I am depressingly free this Saturday, same as pretty much most nights,” he confessed wryly. Sure, he’d never been the popular kid in high school, but he was nineteen and what was he doing with his life?

He hadn’t even managed to leave Roswell because he’d yet to make a decision about what he wanted to do.

“Isobel is going to the tree lot and she said she’d grab a smaller one for me and deliver it on Saturday morning. Do you wanna come over on Saturday night and decorate? I’ve been building ornaments,” he bragged, a proud grin on his lips. “I could use some help from an expert.”

Alex squinted at him, powerless to help his laugh. “And I’m the expert?”

“You’ve _definitely_ celebrated more than I have.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. Did it matter that most of the celebrations in the Manes households ended tense and angry? Probably not. 

Besides, was he insane? Why the hell was he passing up time with Michael?

“I’ll clear my schedule,” Alex promised, heart pounding in his chest to think of spending Saturday with Michael, decorating a tree. 

“Cool,” Michael replied, handing Alex his receipt for the work he’d done. “Don’t worry about bringing anything. So long as you’re here,” he said, giving Alex a hopeful grin, “that’s all I can ask for.”

There it was again. Michael gave him this _look_ that made Alex flush from head to toe, feeling like he wasn’t misreading the signals. He swore that Michael was looking at him with intent.

Did that mean Saturday was a date?

He felt wildly out of his element, but that didn’t matter. Michael had asked him over and no matter how much Alex felt like he was spinning out of control, he was going to be there. Alex watched Michael in the rearview mirror as he drove away slowly, noticing that he didn’t look away, not once. 

It was Alex who finally made a turn and Michael dotted out of his vision, leaving their plans for Saturday looming over him. It filled him with hope and anxiety and _wonder_ that he might be getting a second chance. 

Alex stopped believing in Santa a long time ago, but right now there was a glimmer in him that maybe _something_ was out there listening to him. 

How the hell else could you explain his desperate Christmas wishes coming true?

* * *

When Michael said there would be a tree, Alex had mentally figured that it would be one of those tabletop things or a sad Charlie Brown tree. He didn’t expect to find a six foot pine standing outside the Airstream, wrapped up in twine, and clearly monstrous enough to collapse if not put up right.

Alex closed the car door, gaping at the thing. 

“Huge, right?” Michael quipped, from where he was rummaging through scrap metal nearby. “Isobel dumped it on me, then drove off before I could argue that I don’t even have something to put it in.” 

Alex adjusted the small box of decorations he’d brought, thinking that he definitely came underprepared. Maybe he should duck back out and buy some more.

The minute he actually offered that, Michael was quick to stop him. “I don’t think so,” he scoffed. “For us to get even close to filling up this tree, you’re gonna end up spending way too much. Don’t worry,” he insisted, his lips curving upwards with a mischievous smirk. “I’ll guilt Isobel with a shitty picture before we decorate. She’ll be here tomorrow with bells, whistles, and every decoration you can imagine.”

Alex sets his box of ornaments down, feeling slightly more relieved. 

“Beer?” Michael offered.

“Underage?” Alex retorted, mimicking his tone. “And I drove,” he added, in case Michael thought this was just about him wanting to observe the rules or something. 

“Cool,” Michael replied, nodding towards the Airstream. “You want water, then? I think I’ve got some pop in here,” he calls, his voice muffled by the wall between them. 

“Water’s fine. Guerin, you don’t have to…”

He trailed off, because when Michael returned with drinks, it wasn’t water, not pop, but eggnog. Alex couldn’t help laughing, reaching out to take the glass. 

“Let me guess. Isobel?”

“Did you know that someone could dump this much Christmas on you?” Michael asked, dragging over a small table so they could rest their drinks on it. “You should see my fridge. If it’s not eggnog, it’s those cheap Christmas cookies that taste like pure sugar.”

“She’s determined for you to have a good holiday, huh?” 

Michael shrugged, a dreamy smile on his face that had Alex suddenly jealous. “She’s always loved Christmas and I never really got the love. None of my foster parents ever saved money for gifts or decorations, but this is the first year that I’ve got my own place and she wanted me to feel some of it.” He rapped his knuckles against the Airstream. “I’m not hating the holiday cheer thing.”

“Isobel must be pretty happy,” Alex said, opening up the box of decorations as he carefully avoided Michael’s eye. “Do you two have a date while you’re in town?”

Michael squinted at him, shaking his head.

“You know, like, romantic dinner or something?” Alex kept going, no matter how much it killed him to ask. 

That lost stare of Michael’s wasn’t shifting.

“She’s your girlfriend, right?” Alex couldn’t imagine someone doing this otherwise. 

That broke the silence. Michael’s face contorted up and he gaped at Alex in disbelief, before disgust and amusement (a weird and funny combination) took over. “Isobel? Dude, don’t let her hear you say that,” he warned, laughing nervously, even glancing over his shoulder like he was worried that she was lingering. “No, she’s more like a sister to me,” he said. “Seriously,” he went on, reaching for one of the ornaments Alex brought. “Nothing but platonic feelings there.”

Alex breathed a sigh of relief. 

“I am,” Michael quipped, still leaning into Alex’s space, “totally in love with Max.”

Alex rolled his eyes and shoved at Michael’s forehead to push him away, enjoying the laugh he got for the move. He wasn’t dating Isobel. Okay. Okay, he could roll with that. 

“I’m not dating anyone, by the way,” Michael said, grabbing a step stool so he could start decorating from the top down. “Not here, and not at UNM.” 

Was he telling Alex that for a reason? Did he want Alex to fill him in on the same information? It wasn’t going to be shocking news from Alex, given that Alex’s own romantic life started and stopped with his right hand and his dick. 

Finally, Alex found words. “Cool.”

Bad words, but whatever, it wasn’t like he was known for his great charismatic speeches. To stop from beating himself up, he handed Michael the star for the top of the tree, grateful that Michael hadn’t called him out for being an awkward gay disaster. 

“I was surprised you were still here, you know,” Michael admitted, once he’d settled the star at the top of the tree. Alex kept feeding him the string of lights, keeping the ladder steady with his other hand. 

He was grateful for something to grip onto, because the reminder that he was still in Roswell wasn’t exactly a happy one. “Yeah,” he exhaled, grimacing and being glad that Michael was up there where the angle and the darkness would keep him from seeing the look on his face. “Jesse’s been after me with the same comments. He can’t believe I’m still here,” he echoed darkly, sardonically. “He can’t believe I’m such a lazy layabout who can’t decide what to do with his future when I already know I should join the Air Force, follow in the family footsteps, be a good Manes man,” he mocked. 

“That’s not what you want though.” Michael spoke with certainty as he descended the ladder, shaking the lights a little to get some of the tangles out before he continued looping them around. “It’s cool if you don’t want to follow in your father’s footsteps, you know?”

“Try telling him that.”

“Sure,” Michael agreed, brazen and determined and _stupid_.

“Hey, no,” Alex quickly doubled back on that. “I’m not serious about you talking to him. Look, it’s not just Jesse, I can’t really figure out what I want to do.” Sure, part of him had thought about enlisting, because there was something appealing about following his brother’s path and doing something that would serve his country. 

He just hated the idea that he was giving in to Jesse by doing it. 

“I’ve probably got a little while before he snaps and I have to make a decision,” Alex said. “I don’t know. I’ve thought about school. I’ve thought about enlisting. I’ve thought about throwing it all away and driving to California so I can fail in the music business.” He stepped away from the ladder as Michael’s feet hit the last rung, stepping off it to finish up with the lights.

“I doubt you’d fail,” Michael scoffed, “but okay.”

He shifted to get on his back under the tree, carefully running the lights down the trunk so they were snug against the wood. He couldn’t see Alex and Alex couldn’t see his expression, which made it the perfect time to ask a sensitive question.

“What do you think I should do?”

Michael stopped moving, his hands on the lights. “What?”

“If you were me,” Alex kept going, fighting past his nerves. “What would you do?”

Michael slid out from under the tree, pine needles in his curls. He sat up, and as he did, Alex kneeled beside him to reach out with his mitten-covered hands to brush away at the greenery in Michael’s hair, breath stolen from him when he realized how close that put them. 

“If I were you, I’d do what I did,” Michael admitted. “I’m pretty selfish that way.”

“Yeah? What’s that?” 

Alex didn’t point out that Michael’s way involved bolting and not even saying goodbye. He wasn’t sure he wanted to have that fight, especially not right now when they were so close.

“I’d take advantage of the opportunity in front of me.”

Was he looking at Alex’s lips? Oh, fuck, was he talking about Alex?

“Yeah?” Alex murmured, the word broken into two syllables, cracking like he was still going through puberty. He opened his mouth to ask what kind of opportunities he’d had at UNM, but before he could, his stomach betrayed the moment, growling loudly and giving away how hungry he was.

Then, it kept gurgling, to the point it was actually kind of funny.

Michael clearly thought so, given that he nearly fell flat on his back, laughing at him. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex griped, inhaling sharply now that Michael had moved away and the moment had broken. “I skipped lunch because I was digging for ornaments. You owe me,” he said. “If anything, I deserve dinner for all the dust and old newspapers I had to sort through at our storage locker.”

As ever, Michael caught him off guard.

“Okay.”

What? 

“Okay, what?”

“Okay,” Michael said. “I’ll buy you dinner.” 

Alex hadn’t been expecting that. He also wasn’t stupid enough to turn him down. So, for the second time that evening, Alex gave a stupid response because he didn’t have anything better. “Cool,” he said, but this time, Michael grinned at him like it was the exact right thing to say. 

Maybe Alex had more opportunities in front of him than he thought. He was definitely going to need to think about his future in a new light, especially with the door Michael just opened for him. 

If being with Michael, even _possibly_ was on the table, then suddenly, Alex had one hell of a good choice looming in front of him.

* * *

Maria’s kitchen smelled of cinnamon, chocolate, sugar, and eggnog. It was missing a sugar plum fairy, but otherwise, Alex was in heaven. Maria popped up from rooting around in a drawer with the cookie cutters, pressing half of them into Alex’s hands.

“Thanks for inviting me over for this,” Alex said, for the third time.

Maria gave him an odd look, probably because he hadn’t shut up about how grateful he was to bake cookies. “You can stop telling me that,” she promised. 

He could. The thing was, of course he was excited for the cookies, but the truth was that he was more than a little desperate to talk about Saturday night, which was only a few days ago. He couldn’t stop thinking about the tree, the lights, the dinner with Michael, and that moment when they’d nearly kissed under the branches.

Alex had a sneaking suspicion that he’d never smell pine or balsam again without getting turned on. 

Maria ducked into the fridge, shaking a carton of eggnog as she ducked out. “Want me to spike it with some holiday cheer?” she suggested. Alex was staying the night, so he could indulge, but he worried about what he might spill if she loosened his tongue with rum.

He shook his head, staring at the eggnog -- _another_ reminder of Saturday night. 

“I kind of want to stay level headed today.”

“Oh, come on,” Maria coaxed, pouring tall glasses of eggnog before she danced towards the cabinets, moving to the carols in the background. “It’s just cookies! We’ve done this two years in a row, you could do it with your eyes closed.”

Alex gave Maria a fraught look, deciding whether or not to bring her into his news. 

That lasted about two seconds.

“Remember how I went to the junkyard to help Guerin with decorations?”

Maria nodded, pouring them both glasses of eggnog. “Yeah,” she agreed. “You survived.”

“I think it might have been a date,” he rushed through the words. “I mean, maybe not, but we had dinner that he bought and he kept staring at my lips. He’s not dating anyone else and I …” He glanced over his shoulder, even though Mimi was safe and it didn’t matter if she heard. “I wanted it to be a date. I want to see him again before he goes.”

For the first time in nearly a year, Alex felt like he wanted to plan for his future. 

Maria gripped the bag of flour so tightly it looked like she was going to spill it all over the counter. Her eyes were wide with shock. “Michael Guerin? I didn’t know he was bi,” she said, working through the puzzle in her mind. “Or gay?”

She was clearly expecting Alex to know.

The problem was, he really didn’t. “I don’t know. I mean, we never said it was a date. We decorated this huge-ass tree that Isobel Evans brought for him and I thought maybe she was dating him, but he was really adamant that he wasn’t. And then he kept staring at my lips and he asked me to stay for dinner.”

They’d wound up sharing pizza around a fire pit. It wasn’t exactly peak romance, but given Alex’s past experiences (a little making out and fumbling at summer camp once with another guy), it was practically Pride and Prejudice.

“So he’s into you.”

Alex also didn’t know. “I don’t know for sure.”

“You know,” Maria said, finally releasing the flour to haul herself up to sit on the counter. “There’s a really easy solution to _all_ of this. You _ask_ him.”

Alex didn’t mean to sulk, but he couldn’t help it. “If I ask him and he turns me down, I think that might destroy me.” Michael was the only person Alex had really and genuinely liked since his crush on Kyle years ago.

Look how well that one had turned out.

Maria handed him a whisk so he could start mixing the batter together. “Wait. Was Guerin the guy you were helping out last year?” It looked like Maria was finally piecing some things together. “A year ago, you said you had this guy in your shed that needed a place to crash and he was super hot and you had a crush on him.”

Alex didn’t answer, but he didn’t have to, seeing as his cheeks went red.

“Alex Manes!” Maria accused, throwing a tea towel at him. “Why am I only finding out about this now?”

“Because he left for UNM!” Alex protested. “I didn’t think we had any kind of future because he left.” That was more than reason enough for Alex to think that there was no way he’d get a second chance with Michael, but now he was back in town. He was back in town and Alex wanted to see him again every day if he could.

That crush definitely hadn’t gone anywhere. 

“What are you going to do?” 

Alex breathed out, shaking his head. “I know I want to see him.” That part was easy to admit. “I have a gift for the holidays that I was going to bring him, so I’ll see him then.”

“And then?”

Then, January would arrive. Michael would go back to UNM. 

What could Alex really ask of him? True, maybe they could make a long-distance relationship work, but did Michael really want to be with someone that didn’t even know what he wanted to do with his own life? The only sure thing he actually felt was that he wanted to ask Michael out on a date. He wanted to kiss Michael. He wanted to put his hands on every inch of Michael’s body.

His own future had narrowed down to a pinprick focus because it was the surest he’d been about anything in a while. 

It felt good, having some purpose.

“Alex,” Maria chided, when he still hadn’t answered (ignoring her to get out the roller so they could get the dough ready for cutting). “Make me one promise. You’re going to tell him how you feel before he leaves town.” She bumped her shoulder against his. “You deserve it. And if he turns out to be straight or another Valenti, then I’ll just send him some poison cookies,” she guaranteed sweetly. 

It was a revenge that Alex was desperately hoping wouldn’t be necessary.

“I’ll tell him,” Alex said, but it was almost like he had to convince himself. One more time: “I’ll tell him.” That felt more confident and determined, like he might actually do something about it.

“Good,” Maria replied, proud as anything. “Now, let’s get these sugar cookies rolled. I don’t know what you plan to do when you tell him, but I have it on good authority that these cookies can get someone’s pants off.”

“Maria!” Alex accused, scandalized and really eager to hear _who_.

“You’re not the only one with a cute guy to charm. Last year,” she began her story, “Andrew Keane…” 

She distracted him with gossip, cookies, eggnog, and encouragement through the afternoon. It was exactly what Alex needed to get his mind wrapped around the belief that there was only one way forward -- and that was telling Michael exactly how he felt. 

He’d made a promise, to Maria and to himself. He might not know what he wanted to do about his future, but he knew that breaking promises wasn’t part of any path forward he saw for himself.

* * *

It took Alex another few days before he could muster up the courage to see Michael again (not that seeing him took courage, but seeing him and having an honest talk was what was making Alex drag his heels).

He finally made up his mind on Christmas Eve. 

It was dusk and Alex was sitting in his car at the junkyard, watching the lights on Michael’s Airstream blink away, like they were dancing to a merry little tune. He’d turned the engine off and could see his breath in the cold of the car, thinking to himself how a year ago, he’d offered Michael the shed because of how cold these nights got.

Now, he was here. 

He and Jesse had fought again. On the surface, it had been about Alex’s lack of intention to do anything with his life, but at the core, Alex knew it was about more. It was about how Alex was the last son under Jesse’s roof and the least like him. It was about the fact that Mindy was gone and Jesse didn’t want what was left.

It was because Jesse hated that Alex wasn’t the Manes Man he’d always dreamed about. 

Alex had left the house once he had Michael’s gift and driven around Roswell a few times before coming back to the junkyard. 

When he’d asked for Maria’s opinion about what to do next, she’d pointed out that Michael was still in town and that if Alex wanted to see him again, he should bring him some of the cookies they’d baked.

Cookies felt safe.

The present underneath the cookies was a little more dangerous, but now that Alex was here, he didn’t think he could talk himself out of it. 

He was saved from having to make a decision by Michael spotting him when he parked at the entrance. He waved towards the Airstream, drinking what looked to be a singular marshmallow with some cocoa in between, when Alex got close enough to see.

“Hey,” he greeted Michael, nervously keeping the gift behind him. “Happy Christmas Eve.”

“You too,” Michael replied, sprawled in one of his lawn chairs. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but I would’ve figured you’d be at home.”

Alex shrugged, trying not to let it sting that he wasn’t getting a family Christmas because of his father. It wasn’t like he even wanted one, though there was that tricky little voice in his head that did always want to be normal. “Jesse and I had a disagreement,” he said flatly. “Besides, I’d much rather be here.”

Michael’s cheeks went pink, but soon he was in action moving car parts off another chair to give Alex a place to sit. 

_Give him the gift_ , his internal courage shouted at him, sounding eerily like Maria. _Now!_

Before he could let himself chicken out, Alex decided he might as well go for broke. 

“I got you something,” Alex said before Michael could say anything else, holding up the gift-wrapped box, topped by a box of cookies on top of it. “It’s not much,” he was quick to insist, as Michael took it. “I mean, you’re going to think it’s expensive, but it’s not,” he rushed to explain, even before Michael had opened it. “The cookies, though, they’re just a year late. Greg and I made them last year and I was bringing some to you. It’s how I found out you’d gone.”

Michael grinned at him, achingly sweet. “I really hope these aren’t the same cookies,” he joked.

It broke some of Alex’s nervous tension, drawing a laugh from him. “No, Maria and I made these ones last weekend.” He inhaled deeply, nervous about the other gift. “Go ahead,” he encouraged, when Michael’s fingers hesitated at the edges.

Michael gave him a wary look, but tore into the paper eagerly. Alex wondered if this was the first time he’d been given a gift, but if Isobel was bringing him giant trees and decorations, he had to hope she was also bringing gifts.

Michael pulled the last of the wrapping paper off, staring at the box warily.

“What is it?”

Alex gestured for Michael to set it down on the nearby table, which Michael did. Carefully, he lifted up the top of the box, revealing the refurbished laptop inside. “During dinner on Saturday, you mentioned that you’re taking notes by hand because you can’t afford a laptop and it’s been setting you back, I thought…”

Deep breath, he told himself.

“Well, I mean, I’ve been repairing computers and fixing them up this last year, just to give myself something to do. This was Greg’s old computer, but he bought a new one. I convinced him to leave this one with me and…”

He was rambling and probably because Michael wasn’t saying anything.

“Anyway, can I come in? There’s something I want to talk to you about,” Alex asked, thinking that he’d be braver if he talked to Michael about what he wanted _inside_ the Airstream.

Michael nodded, heading to the door, but then he froze. It was like he’d suddenly remembered something. He stood there, blocking Alex from getting inside, his back to him. Finally, he turned, looking nervous and a little weird, if Alex was being honest. 

“I uh, I added one more decoration since the last time you were here,” Michael admitted. 

He was still standing in the doorway, blocking Alex’s entrance. Why didn’t he want him to come in? Was he stalling? Did he not want Alex to come inside because he suspected what they were going to talk about? Was he trying to let Alex down by changing the subject all together?

Then, Michael pointed upwards to the outside of the trailer. There, above the steps, hung a sprig of mistletoe. 

“Oh,” Alex exhaled, suddenly feeling all the blood rushing lower. “Uh…”

“Alex?”

“Hm?”

“Happy holidays,” said Michael, before cupping Alex’s face with his hands and kissing him as hard as he could under the mistletoe. 

Alex nearly tripped, but Michael swiftly followed him down the steps. He wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist as he pulled him in, kissing him like _no one_ had ever kissed Alex, to the point that he felt like it had to be a dream.

He mumbled as much into the kiss, in between Michael chasing after him for small aftershock kisses. 

“I don’t want to pinch you and ruin the moment,” Michael murmured, but he still reached out and gave the skin on the back of Alex’s palm a gentle pinch. “Trust me, now?”

Wide-eyed, Alex wasn’t sure he trusted anything. 

“How is this real?” Alex wondered. “I didn’t even know if you liked me. It was what I wanted to talk to you about.” The mistletoe that helped to spark their kiss still loomed above the entrance to the Airstream.

Alex walked them back towards it so he could pin Michael to the outside frame, a hand splayed on his chest as he leaned in for another mistletoe kiss, until it started to feel more like reality and not like a dream at all. When he eased back, Michael wrapped his hand around Alex’s wrist and pulled him back, so he couldn’t go very far at all. 

Forehead to forehead, Michael rubbed his back and forth against Alex’s. “We spent all that time talking last year,” he mumbled, “and I kept trying to give you hints that I wanted this. I know leaving for UNM so suddenly wasn’t great for us, but I thought when I came back for the holidays, we could pick up where we left off. Talking, playing music together, you know....?”

Alex hadn’t really thought Michael _wanted_ this. He said as much, out loud.

That was met with a rueful grin from Michael. “I don’t think I knew I did, not until a party early in the school year. I had this really paralyzing and awful bi awakening when I noticed just how hot Liam McIntyre was,” he admitted. “Nothing happened,” he was quick to add. “Other than me having some very confusing, very helpful material to jerk off to, but I liked him for the eyeliner he wore and his safety pin earrings. I liked his punk style and his dark hair. I liked him because he reminded me of you.”

“So, you liked me.”

Michael shook his head. “I _like_ you. Past and present tense. Future tense, too,” he said, with a shy, hopeful grin. “I’ve got cocoa inside, but I got you a gift too. Uh,” Michael stammered, and coughed, his eyes flickering down his body. “I didn’t exactly wrap it, but do you uh, do you want to unwrap me?”

Alex gaped at Michael, the air filling with sudden silence.

“Because I’m your gift,” Michael started to speak, in the absence of a response. “I figured we’d start with the mistletoe and if you were down, then I’d be your gift, and you could…”

Alex shut him up with another kiss, shoving Michael by the hips to get inside the Airstream so he could unwrap his gift and experience the single best Christmas Eve he’d ever had in his life. Forget the Nintendo he got when he was eight. Michael Guerin, splayed out in bed, eager to touch Alex, and _liking_ him was so much better. 

“Happy Christmas Eve, Alex,” Michael breathed out, in the middle of being undressed and on his way to debauched. 

The _best_ Christmas Eve. The best holiday ever. The best of everything.

And all because of Michael.

“Happy holidays to me,” Alex breathed out reverently, before diving into unwrapping the rest of his gift and truly enjoying the generosity of what was given to him.

* * *

With the new year came the depressing realization that all good things must come to an end.

In this case, it meant Michael was going back to UNM, which meant their nights of making out, dates in town, and fumbling sprints to third base were going to be over soon. Alex made the drive out to the junkyard to see Michael off, not only because he wanted to see him again (he did, obviously he did), but because for the first time in over a year, he had a plan.

Michael was the first one he wanted to tell.

“Hey,” Michael greeted him, as Alex stepped out of the car. Michael’s truck was already loaded up, the Airstream attached to the hitch at the back of the truck. “I’m just loading the last of my things,” he explained. “Give me five minutes and we can grab lunch?”

“Sure,” Alex said, rubbing a hand over his arm. “Or I could help and tell you my news?” 

Michael nearly hit his head, given the way he suddenly looked up. “News?”

Alex laughed as he approached, feeling powerful in crazy ways as he walked right into Michael’s arms and kissed him hello. He had a boyfriend. He had a boyfriend that he could kiss like this. He had a _boyfriend_ that he could kiss, and that grabbed his waist to hold onto him like he wanted to demand more.

The shiver of anticipation running down his back at the idea of more of this was intoxicating. 

“The best news,” he vowed. “So you know how I’ve been struggling to figure out what it is I want to do with my life?”

Michael nodded, clearly wary about interrupting. He hauled himself up to sit on a sliver of open space on the bed of his truck, eyes wide and hopeful. 

This was it. Alex could do this.

“I was looking into the reserves,” he admitted. “Every one of my brothers has gone on to serve the country and I’m not sure I want to go all-in on that, but I wouldn’t mind being a part of something bigger.” He’d thought a lot about this, and the important part was that Alex wanted to do this for himself and not for Jesse.

Michael didn’t look like he knew whether to be happy or not about the news. “Okay,” he said, still puzzling it out. 

“Yeah,” Alex kept going, conversational and trying to keep it nonchalant. “Albuquerque has this really great program where I could go take classes in music and computer programming and then I’d spend my weekends at Kirtland and…”

He didn’t get a chance to finish.

Michael grabbed him by the hip and the neck, hauling him in for a frantic kiss. It lasted for all of ten glorious seconds before he pulled back, suddenly looking worried. “Wait,” he said. “Wait, this is you saying you’re coming to UNM with me, right? You’re coming to Albuquerque?”

Alex didn’t think he’d ever heard _anyone_ in his life want him so badly.

It felt fucking ecstatically perfect.

“If you’ll have me,” he agreed. “I thought I’d come study at UNM and serve in the reserves for a while. You got room in that Airstream for me?”

Michael grabbed Alex into his arms, pulling him into a tight embrace. “And here I was thinking that laptop was the best gift anyone’s ever given me,” he mumbled, his breath hot on Alex’s neck and his words rumbling against his ear, where Michael’s lips brushed up against the skin. “This? This is _so_ much better.”

It was the best holiday that Alex had ever had either, but excitement built when he realized that he didn’t need to think this was the best one ever. It was just the start of his time with Michael, and together, they could make every holiday the best it could possibly be. 

To that, Alex was more than happy to say that he was having the happiest new year of his life, and he couldn’t wait to get started on the rest of the holidays waiting to be experienced, together, one by one.


End file.
